


Still Breathing

by fallenoutlaw



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst?, Depressed Uchiha Sasuke, Fluff, It isnt as bad as it sounds, M/M, Naruto actually cares, Naruto is Just Naruto, Sasuke tells Naruto about it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-16
Updated: 2017-05-16
Packaged: 2018-11-01 15:05:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10924326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fallenoutlaw/pseuds/fallenoutlaw
Summary: Sasuke basically tries to explain to Naruto why he feels left out and ends up crying a lot.





	Still Breathing

**Author's Note:**

> My first language isn't English. I'm sorry for mistakes.

[Mayday Parade - Still breathing](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OEw3aw5huc0)

-

 

Sasuke didn't know what was going on, but he was sure he was depressed in eleventh grade. Unfortunately, he had only one friend to talk about it and that boy was like the sun in person. Literally. Always grinning, stupid face and spiky blond locks, that's how he'd describe him.

His best friend at that time, like in snuggle with each other and punching him the next second.

While Sasuke had a hard time to manage a fake-smile. There is no plausible reason to feel like that, he told himself over and over again, but he still did. Kinda shattered, at the edge of feeling absolutely nothing. Days passed by slow and equal - an odd feeling caused by living repeatedly the same day. Somehow he just wished to get a hold, something he could look forward to. Neither was he mentally present, nor did he find a cause to keep himself motivated. He lost his interest in life.

None of his comrades noticed, since he wasn't acting strange lately, even though his mind had gone insane. There was no way he could describe such a feeling, well, at least he tried.

"Can I ask you something, Naruto?"

Sasuke stared at the ceiling. Both of them laying in Sasukes bedroom, the raven on his own bed, waiting tensely for an answer and the other boy on a futon, beside his bed. The blond hummed. A cold hint of air hitting his face from the opened window, while he thought about it one, two, maybe three times.

"Have you ever-like questioned if you're happy?" Naruto narrowed his eyes as he looked up from his pillow. "No- well yes, but I am happy y'know."

Nervously he chewed on his bottom lip, turning his head to the wall. His hand brushed ober his face. Silence. Why did he have to be so different from everyone else?

"I'm not." he whispered, almost just a moving of lips. More like throwing up those words. "You're not? Why is that?"

A lack of words. What was he supposed to say? That he felt sad, misunderstood and simply not happy, although he had everything. Actually he didn't know what he expected from a conversation like this - he kind of needed a hug really bad. The raven wanted to cry and scream at the same time. Painstakingly trying to sort his thoughts out, ignoring the few bad ones. What would Naruto think of him, if he told him? He knew he would look different at him. No blue, sparkling eyes anymore - dull, pitying eyes.

"I kinda feel empty, it's been a while since I felt such a thing like happiness." Naruto sat up, crossing his legs and looking up to the raven, who wasn't facing him at all. It seemed like a conversation with his wall. "I feel so extremely exhausted sometimes, that I don't want to do anything, nor talk to anyone."

The blond boy chuckled gently, the pace of his heart speeding up.

"Sasuke, look at me." He did as said. Those blue eyes focused on him and only him - sometimes almost like they were made just for him. "Why haven't you told me earlier?"

His sight was empty, still not looking at him. Somehow trying to avoid eye contact.

"I'm a mess, Naruto."

Naruto felt what he did only by looking at him. Pain in his veins, barely managing to get up every morning while he'd prefer to curl up somewhere and wanted to cry. Be all by himself, shutting Naruto out. He felt sorry for Sasuke. Attentively he got up on his bed, facing him directly by taking his face between both of his hands - by force. Sasukes face looked in pain, real mental pain.

He had hardly seen any emotion on Sasuke's face ever, but this felt like tearing his heart apart.

"I'm sorry." the older boy spoke, really quiet. And finally, since a few weeks he could cry. Hot tears rolling over his nose, while Naruto held him. "I feel so tired of living,"

It felt good to talk about it, to have someone who just holds you and listens. Someone who has your back. And Naruto had been there, always. He still held Sasukes face between his hands, wiping tears off his cheeks and then lightly kissing his cheeks. Kissing those tears away and taste salt on his lips. Both boys weren't together by that time, but were partners in crime. With somewhat confusing feelings. The raven whined.

"There's this emptiness, which is stabbing me in my back everyday. I don't want to anymore,"

He felt relaxed when he was with Naruto. Comfortable, not like wearing a mask. Indeed, Naruto didn't care at all if Sasuke was antisocial and had only him to talk about it, because somewhere he truly loved him and knew they would make it through a phase like that. Also, he did know that people can become happiness.

"You don't have to." The blond breathed, leaning his forehead against his. "You can't buy happiness, Sasuke."

A slightly shaking hand brushed carefully over his face, his nose, his cheeks, lips.

Sasuke felt like suffocating, something tying up around his throat and taking any kind of air away from him. He hyperventilated. Lungs getting crushed, burned, ripped out.

Those tears on his cheeks, everytime he narrowed his eyes, because they felt like burning his skin. That feeling was indescribable. It was not necessarily a death wish - more like a silent scream for help, being noticed, loved.

In fact, yes, Sasuke had everything. But haven't had a lot of friends, didn't want many either.

"But at least there are people who try to help you to archive something as great as happiness." Naruto pulled Sasuke real close, he could feel his hot breath on his neck. Hair tickling, embracing him completely. "Since when do you feel like that?"

"I can't tell, everyday feels the same." Sasuke murmured, not moving his head from the blondes neck. He felt horrendous for telling, to burden him with his problems and to know that he can't help him either. A small heart in his chest, pounding abnormally fast. It felt like living hell, he didn't want to think anymore, shutting everything out of his head. Also, he didn't want to feel no longer, though he felt nothing. Sometimes he questioned himself about self-harm. Would it make him at least feel a bit and not like a moving dead body? He didn't do it, he just couldn't. He needed guts for that, which he hadn't. "Why is everyone around me happy, but I am not, Naruto?"

"Would anyone miss me?" He spit out, kinda angry. Painfully his hand grabbed Narutos shirt."I'm sorry."

"I'm so sorry."

Obviously Naruto couldn't handle the situation, lots of things crossing his mind - lots of worries bringing him down.

Naruto pushed Sasuke down on his bed, lying behind him. His hands pulling him close again and somehow trying to give him a feeling of safety. Sobbing, still crying and enjoying his embrace, his scent. Their legs intertwined with another.

"I'm here, Sasuke." There was no word which could explain how he felt. He squeezed his hand lightly. "And I'll be here tomorrow."

Heavy breathes started to slow down as Sasuke barely could concentrate anymore and gave up very quick. A husky tone whispering,

"I'm so fucking sorry,"

The blond knew there was no reason to be sorry, he was thankful for Sasuke's trust. He only questioned himself how to take that boys pain away. How to help him without suffering himself. Carefully he pulled the sheets over both of them, burying his head in Sasuke's neck.

"You're still breathing, aren't you?"


End file.
